Skip to main content.

Who's Writing

Swanner

“I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.”

Good old Yogi Berra said that. And it is upon this pearl of wisdom that I’ve chosen to build my philosophical condominium. While I am admittedly not an encyclopedia, nor a school bus, I have on occasion shared information with someone in need and/or given them a ride to their next destination, be it physical or emotional. And that makes me feel good. It really does. Where am I’m going with this? Not sure. But I do know this much – hard work is a terrific way to break a nail.

I was born in an Orange County, California orange grove in 1973 - back when there were still oranges in ‘The OC’. T’was a beautiful place. Placed in a crate of designer straw, I was offered a cappuccino and set aside, under a shady tree, to await the end of the work day.

Sometime that afternoon, however, I was mistaken for ‘just another box of oranges’ and exported to Bolivia. Not only did this event teach me much about the cruelties suffered by fruit between picking and market, but it set into motion a 24-year journey back to The States – to ‘the’, and now ‘my’, City by the Bay - learning about the world abroad as I went. Or came. Or whatever it is when returning to a place of origin that was never really experienced firsthand.

Anyway, earning my way through an odd combination of Chihuahua boxing and doing chalk drawings of oil paint paraphernalia, I eventually arrived, in the fall of ‘97. And now I’m here - and sometimes over there - at the only company that can possibly make use of such an eclectic rearing - Clif Bar. Talk about a creative Utopia!


Oct. 11, 2011
Sharing the Clif Love in Kona, 2011

The 2011 World Ironman Championship in Kailua-Kona has come and gone, but the images remain vivid. And sweaty. A week of blurred bodies and blazing temperatures bordered by the bluest of sea and sky, our week here on the western shore did not disappoint. Set up in the thick of the mix on Ali’i Drive – just a mile from the run turnaround – each day leading up began by sampling Clif Bar goodness to said ‘blurry’ passers by. Clif Bars, Shot Bloks, Shot Gel, Shot Roks, and icy Clif Shot Electrolyte Drink flowed like fondue into the mouths, pockets…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Athlete Life, Team Clif Bar

Oct. 11, 2010
Ironman Kona: Cool-Down Heats Things Up

All is quiet on the western front; the 2010 Ironman World Championship in Kona is in the books as of 4am this morning. Bikes are being boxed, last sips of Kona coffee are being savored, and – as I write – there are no doubt hundreds of athletes standing in front of compression sock strewn hotel beds, toiling over which pair to wear on the airplane. Fortunately, NONE of them go best with ‘any’ outfit, so may your choices be obvious and pain free. Own it. As for us here at the TEAM CLIF BAR camp, we’re still trying to…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Events, Athlete Life, Team Clif Bar

Oct. 8, 2010
Ironman Kona: Full Coverage of Minimal Coverage

Thursday, October 7th will live in infamy. For at least the next 24 hours. Stop one on Thursday found us downtown at 7am, scouting out an ideal spot from which to experience the splendor of philanthropic exhibitionism that is The Underpants Run; an annual, grass roots, word-of-mouth run of ridiculocity raising money for Special Olympics of West Hawaii, as well as (this year) the Visitor Aloha Society of Hawaii. Ahh yes…the color, the camaraderie, the Kona coffee saturated rockers of all things thongs, bras, brightly colored wigs, and frilly lingerie...and that was just the men. Yes, the bro-ssieres were in…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Events, Team Clif Bar

Oct. 7, 2010
Ironman Kona: Big-Day Buzz Is Building

Day two (Wednesday) saw its share of stars, more sweat and internationally applicable smiles. Holding up at Clif Bar base camp (here on the south side of Ali’i Drive) for the whole of the day turned out to be the right move. Why leave when you have the likes of Chris McCormack running through your front yard (and stopping by for a casual hello), and Linsey Corbin (and hubby) popping by for both an interview AND to share some of her private label, ‘Montana Made Ale’? Thank you Linsey, and Big Sky Brewing Company! We’ve (ahem) not tried any yet,…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Events, Team Clif Bar

Oct. 6, 2010
Here Comes Kona - TEAM CLIF BAR Triathletes Talk Shop Before the Race

Kona, Hawaii, USA, Earth - Strange is the land of the Iron-people. As strange as it is inspiring. Athletes auspicious in their apex fitness, bikes blurring lines of sand-strewn paint, fast moving throngs donning colorfully copious yardage of what I believe the locals call ‘spandex’. Hard to say exactly, as they have roughly 300 words for it. Anyway, the Clif Bar crew are here and ready to rock, run, and roll; to support any and all looking for quick, convenient, deliciously all natural energy, as well as to ensure our Clif Bar Pro Team athletes participating in this year’s sure-to-be…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar

Jul. 22, 2009
Vande Velde, Millar, Danielson, Wiggins, and Lim—That’s a Wrap!

Aside from being in Girona and getting to interview and wander with some of Garmin-Slipstream’s finest, one of the trip highlights was shooting a group ride they put together on day three. We met at ‘the stone bridge’ at 11am. Once again, not a single rider in site at 10:58, but by the time 11:01 hit, all 10 of the day’s riders were gathered and ready to roll. They are their own rolling magic trick. Parked on the wrong side of the street, facing the wrong direction, and apparently lacking the ‘locals only’ permit we needed to be in…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar, Tour

Jul. 14, 2009
Passport to Spain—Zabriskie and Frischkorn on Camera

…travel, police, and initial arrival in Girona behind us, I awoke my first morning to the booming sound of bells. Thank goodness there were actually bells this time, and not just the ones I sometimes hear when I don’t get enough sleep. Three sets of church and cathedral bells—all offset from one another by about 2 minutes—made for quite a symphony come the top of each hour—24 hours a day; adding a very rich layer to the experience. We were so close to the Girona Cathedral, in fact, that you could actually feel the ringing reverberate in your chest. Needless…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar, Tour

Jul. 4, 2009
Passport to Spain—Getting to Girona

After negotiating with airport officials to get 10 bags and equipment cases on the airplane (between 2 people), and after almost missing our flight for undisclos’able reasons, we boarded our 747-700 ‘puddle jumper’ - bound for the great nation of ‘Europe.’ Eventually, after struggling with ‘what to do with my feet’ for a cool 11 hours (I had a seat support smack dab in front of me, requiring one foot to be squeezed in on either side of the divide), our SFO born flight ultimately touched down in Frankfurt, Germany. So far so smooth. Well, except the bags, almost missing…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar, Tour

Jun. 22, 2009
Passport to Spain

Once upon a time (in April)…I got an email. Wait, there’s more. It was a short but oh-so-sweet two-liner from Matt Sharkey, our Sr. Sports Marketing Manager here at Clif. Subject line: “Is your passport current?” Copy body: “This is not a test.” EOM Of course I waited the obligatory 12 seconds (as not to appear too anxious) before whipping back a keyboard denting, “Boy is it!” Being that the email came out of the blue, I assumed Matt’s request had something to do with writing, video, or photography work; my three part role here in Clif Bar’s in-house…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar, Tour

Oct. 28, 2008
The Crate Escape

The crates are back, the crates are back!! My current excitement can only be compared with that of Navin R. Johnson at the arrival of his precious phonebooks. For some, the transition from Summer to Fall (or Summer to Autumn, then Fall—for those who acknowledge the delineation) means a little less sun block, a little more darkness, swapping the wakeboard out for the snowboard (almost), and, if in Southern California, our nation’s dramatic foliage capital, the transition of leaves from bright green to a somewhat less intense shade of bright green (I’m from So Cal; I joke with love).…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Events, Office Life

Aug. 13, 2008
Global Cooling—A Mayor Accomplishment

The Clif Bar band (aka The Dung Beetles) pulled down one more rung on our continuing - mostly accidental - rise toward obscurity last Tuesday, as we helped kick off the Cool Globes (:hot ideas for a cooler planet) art installation on Crissy Field, along the historic San Francisco waterfront. In short, local, national, international, even school aged children artfully designed and decorated 5’x5’ globes to help raise awareness and inspire action to help mitigate current Global Warming trends…aaand we were there to help get the party started (the exhibit will remain on Crissy Field from Aug 5 – Oct…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life, r@nd0m, Sustainability, 2080

Apr. 17, 2008
Boning Up on Budgets

Visiting my old pod the other day (way WAY over on the east side on of the building), I stumbled upon a very sweet moment. Buckley was helping owner Ryan with his budget. Judging from the smiles on their faces, they must have just had a breakthrough. Excel spreadsheets, bringing species together since 1993.

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Apr. 7, 2008
He’s a Growing Boy

Ever had one of those days...you know, where you casually eat 13 Clif Bar products in a 5 hour period? Sure, during a race, no problem—Shots and Bloks go down like nothing. But this slow feast had zero to do with working-out, runs, or long rides. Just puttering around the apartment doing chores, grazing as I felt the urge. Apparently I had a lot of urges—bars, gels, gummies, twisted fruit, everything. I'm pretty well known for downing copious amounts of Clif products (Food scientists could do quite the study on me by now—still feeling great after 6 years of outrageous…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Dec. 21, 2007
Greetings from the Top of the World

Remember GradyO? That dynamically foxy collection of cellular tissue that used to spend his days thrumming in the bushes of Lifestyle Marketing, and who is now 6 months into an 18-month adventure around the world? I do. Recently he sent a way cool hello video—shot just for his buds at Clif Bar—set meagerly against the backdrop of some mountain in Nepal. Urvris, Aarvis, Avarice. Oh, Everest—that’s the one. Anyway, here it is, for your enjoyment and nostalgia: And a little note from Grady to set it up: [From Grady] hey there. as promised, finally figured out how to shoot something…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Dec. 19, 2007
Yosemite Sam’ented in Memory

Until recently, my greatest sin in life was the fact I'd lived in the bay for 10 years and not visited Yosemite. No less than 3 reservations had fallen through over the years, for one reason or another, and I've passed the turn off no less than 100 times: Yosemite was my white whale. Until now. Now it's a blindingly white, and blue, and gray, and green collage of awesome memories. I have a little saying that goes, 'It's the wanting that makes the getting sweeter.' Never was that so true as in the last week of November, when I…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Oct. 2, 2007
Monday Night Football - Clif Bar Style

At home, my 30 inch TV—thanks to continual cutting-edge breakthroughs in 'rabbit ear' technology—gets one channel. On a good day. And though I often lament my loss of the likes of Discovery, History, Bravo, and ESPN, I'm getting by. Thanks to Netflix. And the fact that I'm never really home anyhow. Come fall, however, my limited technology becomes a bit more palpable—for Monday Night Football is in the air. I just can't pull it out of it. And while there's no shortage of local bars or tech-heavy friend's pads at which to 'get my football on'...nothing really compares to watching…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Jul. 30, 2007
The Legend of Grady-Stoke

Have you ever heard the legend of Grady O'Shaughnessy, Clif Bar'ean extraordinaire? A 'slightly Irish' fellow Spirit, anything but slight With kinky hair and a wild heart Pumping his rocking fist into the night "I hear he's 8-feet tall and runs a 1:50 marathon—1:30 if he uses both feet." "Oh yah, well I hear he wears a burlap loin cloth and carries an eco ax of goodness, which he wields with abandon and fortitude, vanquishing naysayers of environmental policy…"  There are many versions. Sometimes it's hemp not burlap, for instance. Whatever the version you've heard, he's gone. For a…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Jul. 9, 2007
Bath, Shower and…Laundry Gel?

While doing a load of laundry here at the office last week I noticed something peculiar. Yes, other than the fact that we have a laundry facility at work. On the shelf—just above the washer—a bottle of Avalon Organics Lavender Bath & Shower Gel, no doubt a sign that someone ran short on detergent and reached for their favorite vitamin E infused skin scrub as a replacement. I can't help but wonder who it was. In this instance, it wasn't me. Avalon Organics make great products and have been nice enough to share some of their offerings with us in…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Jul. 6, 2007
Old and New Cubicles Square Off at Clif Bar

In an effort to become more efficient and capitalize on the social nature of its employees, Clif Bar has taken delivery of ten Max Cube 2000's—recently touted 'the cubical of the future' by Exchange Your Life For Money magazine. Able to house up to 16 employees in a 25 square foot space, the Max Cube will no doubt have a positive impact on office culture and productivity. Senior IT Engineer, Chris, believes these tighter quarters are a good idea. "I don't think everyone here needs a computer. Computers are a total scam…such a crutch. Contacts, spreadsheets, Power Point presentations…totally unnecessary…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

May. 29, 2007
Grab your Glitter and do the Hustle…to Club 1610

Gravity defying wigs swayed to and 'fro', glittery platform shoes grooved across a celebration stained parquet dance floor, and 100% decorum-free jewelry danced on décolletages from one end of the Studio-54 themed room to the other. And that was just the men! Gaudy? Yes. Funky? Absolutely. Disco fabulous? You know it, babe (call me). 'Just another Wednesday night at Clif Bar', many joked—or 'Club 1610: disco karaoke lounge,' as it was known for the night (1610 is our street address). Another excuse to celebrate this little thing called life without needing any particular reason. If you wait for a reason,…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Events, Office Life

Mar. 21, 2007
Young samplers in glove

There I was, there I was, there I was, IN…the Whole Foods… Recently, various two-person teams from Clif Bar have been heading out to various stores to try our hands at sampling tasty morsels to taste chasing mortals. Specifically, Clif Nectar (our 100% organic fruit & nut bar). Last week, Amy and I got to head out together; to chop, sample, converse, guffaw, all the usual antics. And then some. There comes a time in every food sampler's life when they have to 'don the glove.' It keeps the food safe and sanitary for the eater and it helps the…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Mar. 5, 2007
Go ahead…drop something…I double dog dare you

Of the approximately 15 canines that roam these halls, it is Scrubby—our longest enduring, first and only quadruped to make the phone list ('Lead Food Taster xK9')—who is considered the 'official' office mascot. More than that, Scrubby actually makes you want to be a better human, amid a dog eat dog world. Or, sometimes, a dog eat anything within range world, as it turns out. Scrubby began his 'pup'acy in December of 1997, and since then has infected the hearts of literally dozens. Along with his official title of mascot come the somewhat more subdued titles of 'Scooper Upper of…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Jan. 2, 2007
The gift that keeps on giving

I know…the holidays are past, but I couldn't get on-line over the break. And now… One of the greatest parts of working at Clif is the people. And I don't mean that in a cliché, top-line of the resume, 'I really love working with people' sort of way. I love that, beyond the inspiring coworker types I get to work with, we actually get to know some of the amazing people who eat our products, on a personal level. Take 'Peter' for example. I met Peter about 5 years ago, by mail. My first job at CLIF was in…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Oct. 31, 2006
Happy Halloween

Dear Fellow Teim Members—(they were wrong, there is an ‘I’ in team) We wanted to take this opportunity to express what a great job, most of us feel, most of you are doing. Slaying proverbial gorillas, mitigating risk, attacking those action items with vigor, really leveraging your assets in the name of the company, which will, no doubt, at this rate, land us ALL on the same page by late Q2 2007. Which is super. That said —we’d like to incent you all to give a little bit more—mostly because you have to or you’re out of here. Does that…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Oct. 31, 2006
Double Rock Double ROCKED!

Last Thursday was CLIF Bar Community Service Day—a day where everyone sets down their pens (those are what we used to use before computers), grabs a pair of work gloves and heads out the door to earn some blisters. Incredible, the impact that can be made when that many people descend on a single locale. This year's project took place at the Double Rock Community Garden in San Francisco. We partnered with the Brower Youth Awards, Friends of the Urban Forest and Plants Gone Wild Native Plant Nursery and showed up with 100 people ready to dig, grade, hammer, till,…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Sep. 18, 2006
Room with No View

Cassie...did you think we here in Pod 2 wouldn’t notice your last blog? That we wouldn’t notice the casual dangle—because you’re all about casual—with which you held your new found luxuries—like sunlight—in our faces? It may not seem like a big deal to you, but for us over here in the south, all clamoring in our opaqueness for the shared bit of limited sunlight leaking through a translucent skylight, it’s quite a big deal. We actually get so little sunlight over here that we have to apply sun block before heading out to our cars. No, really, we do. When…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Aug. 31, 2006
Going strong

We know you're wondering what all of CLIF BAR's sponsored athletes are up to these days. Well, wonder no more. Go ahead and grab a nice brisk bottle of Cran-Razz Electrolyte, and sit back with a little recap from the Team. Ahh, sounds quite refreshing, really... Track Cyclist Erin Mirabella received the Jack Kelly Fair Play Award in May. Mirabella returned the bronze medal awarded for her 4th place performance in Athens 2004—due to her competitor’s initial positive test for an illegal substance. When the Court of Arbitration for Sport later overturned this ruling, Mirabella’s willingness to return the medal…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar

Aug. 30, 2006
Solomente Burrito

When we don’t bring a lunch, and we’re not inspired by any of the "usual options" awaiting us at the "usual spots" down the street, some of us opt for a snack from the Amy’s Organic vending machine located in our eastern warehouse. When fully stocked, the machine is no less than an illuminated smorgasbord of tasty organic morsels. During ultra-busy weeks we tend to hit the machine a bit harder, and with that the super selection goes super bye-bye. Nothing's left to order but desolation, sadness, or maybe that low-calorie tumbleweed of desperation down at G-126. That said……

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Jul. 27, 2006
Local Commutes

(an expired, but still worthy, traffic report); Good morning! Here's your local traffic report for July 27th, 2006. Looks like conditions are setting up for a great commuting day here at Clif Bar. Fifth Street side hallways are relatively clear—occasional bike traffic present. Use caution if carrying a cup of coffee or more than 10 file folders. If on foot and headed south toward climbing wall #1, hot-spot backups have been reported near Finance, due to Q3 reforecasting. Expect up to 3-minute delays. Warehouse activity is steady with frequent forklift crossings—so maybe think about taking the route through the Theatre…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Jul. 6, 2006
The Pollan-ator

Last Thursday, during our weekly, all-company, “come have a bagel, some fruit and catch up” type meeting, we were graced with the presence and edifications of Michael Pollan, author of The Botany of Desire and more recently The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals. He shared insights from his deep analysis of our food chains, our place within them and their many places within us. Michael’s latest book describes the history and influence of industrialized agriculture and how that's related to the "national eating disorder" we’re all a part of, whether we realize it or not. It questions…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Apr. 26, 2006
Earth Day takes Manhattan

When you think about it, Earth Day and Muppets have quite a bit in common. They’re both in at least 3 movies, they’re both green and furry, they’re both there when you feel like hugging something and they both contain exactly six consonants. But wait, there’s more. I’m still reeling from the 5 days that were our Green Apple Adventure. From April 18th through the 23rd, I and an earthbound band of CLIF & LUNA banditos stormed the streets of Manhattan as part of both Earth Day NY and the Green Apple Music Festival. Basically, a big 2-day festival celebrating…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Apr. 12, 2006
Did you Sea the Otter?

It happened again. As if it were planned. The Sea Otter Classic, in Monterey, CA. Not only the world’s largest gathering of athletes riding two-wheeled contraptions (road, mtb, ramp, trial, downhill, slalom, cross country…) but it’s a helluvan expo to boot. Bikes, helmets, tires, wheels, breaks, shox, bars, apparel, shoes, socks, evening- wear, food, drinks, gels, gagets, GIZMOS! I'm fine.  My 6th year at the event, I was down there with the CLIF BAR crew to take part in the Industry Cup—a just for fun/braggin’ rights sort of deal (for some). Two weeks of rain leading up to the event had…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar

Mar. 27, 2006
‘Spoke’ Too Soon

Grand is the confliction running through my mind. Or are we also not allowed to run? Far be it for me to break the rules, in this land of  irony and confusion.  This company, founded on the principals of good eating, good times and good biking, has THIS sign posted in its parking lot?! Are you kidding me?! This is an outrage! If anyone in upper management were here today, I would send a strong letter. Like Q. But I won’t. Instead, let them suffer the wrath of my silence. Let the thin treads of my cruiser tires tread disproportionately…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Mar. 8, 2006
Shuffle Off This Sofa Coil

I'm gunna shimmy out onto a prognostical limb here and wager that in a hundred years I'll be gone. Where I will have gone by then is neither here nor there (metaphysical entendre, party of one…M.E., your table is ready…), but there will undoubtedly be an availability on my sofa. Sofa…so good. Let’s continue. Embracing the idea that my sofa ownership is merely temporary, I'm left free to devour the sights and sounds of the world with boy-gone-wild abandon and a lumbering finesse virtually unseen since the Australopithecines discovered caffeine. I'm also not above responding gutturally to subtle changes in my immediate…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

Feb. 14, 2006
Mavericks 2006 - A Swell Time

We joke a bit about how, for a natural products company, there is a palpable lack of natural light available in our office (a converted warehouse). Well, days like last Tuesday make up for that in a big way. Vitamin D? Check, check aaand check. I spent the day floating off the Northern California coast, watching 24 of the world's top big wave surfers drop into the bombing waves of Mavericks (25-40' faces). Our Clif Crew was down there for a third year in a row as an event sponsor, climate neutralizer and cumulatively awestruck observer of a growing contest,…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Dec. 20, 2005
I did WHAT at the holiday party

Wine flowed, joviality wafted, and sweet tunes snowed down from the rafters at the 2005 Clif Bar holiday jam - held this year at a hip little brick-walled, jazz-infused haunt in downtown Berkeley. Awesome setting to celebrate what has been one of the best years in Clif Bar history! Nay, THE best. Way to go Clifsters!! Fast-forward 15 glasses of wine—11:30pm. Right about the time Wine was making out with Joviality and Sweet Tunes was sitting alone and upset in the car, I found myself face down on the carpet in the middle of an all too familiar throng; the…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Nov. 10, 2005
NET Final Entry

No, not our final entry. The Natural Energy Tour. You know, the Biodiesel Tour? That magnificently mobile display of Clif Bar glory we set out on the road a few months back, in order to spread the Clif Bar love and some 411 on the benefits of using alternative fuels...yah that. Well, it's done. Finished. Finito. No more. Completado. Tennessee to New York, Boston to Berkeley. Wicked Pissah - it's over! You get the idea. To say it was a great success would be an understatement. And to say we weren't made incredibly proud by our Bio Boyz (Adam and Brady)…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar

Nov. 1, 2005
Hairs to the Holidays

Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret. Today was a funny day, God. For starters, I grew a beard! I know what you're saying... think about asking mom to buy some hormone free milk. Yeah, I'll do that. Anyhow, at first I was surprised, then sad, then ashamed, then nervous about telling anybody. I was sure I wouldn't fit in, but by the time I got to Clif Bar, and saw all the other people with beards—both men and women—well, I just started to laugh. I knew then it was all going to be alright. You read right. Remember a…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Oct. 19, 2005
This Beard’s for You…

Indicators to note: 1. Has your wife or girlfriend recently threatened to divorce or to break-up with you? 2. Has your life coach - dedicated to helping you achieve your lofty goal of metrosexual statehood - expressed disappointment in you as of late? 3. Have you noticed string bearing birds hovering in front of you, waiting only for you to hold still for a minute, that they might begin to build their new home in your face? If any of these things have occurred in the last two weeks, you may be growing a beard you shouldn’t be. But so-be-it. The first annual Clif Bar…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Sep. 12, 2005
Katrina

Ever feel small? I do. I strive for it. Helps me keep things in perspective. I live for those too rare moments when I can completely remove myself from myself. Sometimes found in a 50MPH downhill screamer on my bike – a single mischievous pebble waiting to wreck it all – or sometimes on a serene walk through a glen of wider-than-I-am-tall redwoods that, though I smile at the thought of the contrary, wouldn't miss me a lick if I weren't around. Actually, I even smile at that, now that I think about it. Either way, they both deliver me…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Aug. 15, 2005
Sweet 16 Visits Clif Bar

Thursday, Aug 11th 2005, was an otherwise 'average day' here at the office. Not that average means much anymore, what with the day-to-day strangeness that tends to ensue around here. Anyway, I remember it as if it were just last Thursday... (face becomes distorted as cliché 'squiggly memory wave transition' begins) (fade-in) I was at my desk, (birds chirping - more natural light present than actually available) busy sticking Scotch tape to my monitor in a desperate attempt to merge two Excel documents with one another (expression of genuine frustration, as if truly expected it to work), when none other than…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

Aug. 4, 2005
I Once Felt Freedom, Too

All day. All day I sit, staring at your ebony emblem of freedom. Worst of all, if I look long enough, it stares back. It is then all I can do to dash for the quick escape - returning to my task of alphabetizing paperclips by birth-sign and avoiding phone calls from unfamiliar caller IDs. Taunting me from a distance of 20 feet, your painfully majestic two wheeler leers at me in deafening silence, as if it knows what I will do to myself if only it can manage to do nothing – for no tongue is more wickedly barbed than that of silence.…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

Jul. 26, 2005
Clif Bar Executive Implements ‘Wheelie-Cool’ Calculation System

Riders Updated: 2:16p.m. PST July 26, 2005 Count on this – Clif Bar financials look to be sharper than ever in 2005, thanks to the implementation of this spin on the classic abacus. The ‘Abikus’ (,a‘bike,us, or a’♥∑♠+,¥ in Berkeleyan) uses the latest in gyroscopic technology - virtually un-evolved since the 1850’s – to calculate percentages, averages, taxes (on dinners up to $44), amortization benefits and even personal IQ. Taking into consideration the season, pitch of the sun, likelihood the moon is ‘still out there’, combined splits from your last three races and the money you happen to have left in the…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

Jul. 18, 2005
SWAG Box Sock Seeks Sole Mate

All right, this is ridiculous. The sock's still there. After 2 weeks. I've been watching carefully. Hoping to spy the sort of person that might come seeking such a sunken treasure. But to no avail. It's been abandoned for good - it would seem. Before I give up entirely though, I've decided to see if I can't help nudge it along in the right direction. I've just posted a single's ad on its behalf: Single techno-colored bike sock (STBS) seeking meaningful relationship with left foot, or other surreptitious SWAG box acoutrements (SSBA) - I'm not picky. Turn-ons: discarded plastic bags (*floating…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

Jul. 7, 2005
I Got the SWAG Box Blues

Every now and then, I delve into the paraphernalic abyss that is The SWAG Box (SWAG = Stuff We All Get = freebies). Yes, that cardboard treasure chest revealing day after day some of the greatest, and most curious, post-event artifacts known to person-kind. We've just reached a new low, folks. A completely uninvited sock has infiltrated the swag box. And not just any sock. Not one of those fancy ‘new type’ socks that tend to come in pairs and have everything to live for. No, this is a beast of a different color. Three of 'em. This is clearly…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

Jun. 1, 2005
I Was Deep Throat

It was me. After years of silence, it’s time the world knew my true identity. I am Crunchy Peanut Butter Clif Bar. I was Deep Throat. You might say I entered the world rather syrup-titioiusly. An energy bar, only 3 months old, ready to make a name for myself in the CIA (Clif Ingestion Agency).  I'd taken my Oat of Office. I'd had my Shots. I'd been assembled on the front lines and knew I was America's, nay, The World's best chance for better energy. Better eating. A better life. Sustaining countless attempts on my life at the hands of hungry eaters I learned…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

May. 25, 2005
Scaredy Cat

This is the Web Guy signed in as Dylan... he's afraid to blog during this Grassroots marketing meeting. Chicken.

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Office Life

May. 24, 2005
Aye, Aye Captain

As you've probably read in the tabloids, Clif Bar is about ready to kick off The 2005 Natural Energy Tour! Minus the bit about the alien triathlete love child and the negative calorie 12 step turkey pot pie diet, most of what you've read is true. It starts June 1, and kicks off at a HUGE music event called Bonnaroo, in TN (http://www.bonnaroo.com/2005/ ). The Tour will then for the four months following spread the Clif Bar love, trekking about the DC to Boston corridor, sampling hundreds of thousands of tasty samples and talking about green initiatives, such as global warming and…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Sustainability

May. 10, 2005
Nectar’s announcement

Yippee!  I am happy to report that a new product has been born!        Name: Nectar: Organic Fruit & Nut Bar        Date: May 2, 2005        Time: 6:04am (bars in their wrappers)        Weight: 45 grams The "delivery" wasn't too difficult, not compared to some products. Often, the first day of production of a new product can be grueling; ingredients may not come in time, mechanical failures may persist, you just never know what to expect. The only thing that can be expected is to get up at the crack of dawn - production often starts between 4 and 5…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
From the Kitchen

May. 5, 2005
Wind, Water, Brie and Me

OK, so I survived. That half Ironman I mentioned a few posts ago, the one I thought might kill me. Yah, well it didn't kill me after all. Wildflower 2005 has come and gone and ‘twas another great weekend of stellar people, sun, camping and of course the obligatory swimming, biking, running…sweating, drooling and dizziness. I find anytime those 6 things occur in the same day, you've really got something. Arrived plenty early on Friday and found the 'least slanty' spot I could find for my tent (at the ever rockin' CLIF Camp), and then waited for dark (yes, I did other things than wait for…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar

Apr. 27, 2005
Mavericks Surf, NBC and Pride

Amidst general ‘doings’ in the city this weekend, I attended a sponsor party (airing party) at Hard Rock Cafe SF, for the Maverick’s surf contest we sponsored back in March. Nice to see that thing get big time air, on NBC Sports. Clif got a couple nice logo shots (thanks Zach! Zach Wormhoudt is one of our athletes and took 4th overall – Rock On!) and the comp looked great. We were out on a boat in the line-up on the day of, watching the cresting 40’ pounders up close. Absolutely amazing to say the least…but there’s something to be said…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar

Apr. 27, 2005
Say it ain’t so, Carl!

9:37am. Just watched a semi disturbing/can’t look away video featuring budding singing sensation Carl Lewis, shot at the height of his mid 80’s fame. For those so inclined… Break It Up Perfect start to the week. Ahh, to have been a fly on the wall for the pitch meeting on that one. Hey...it's athletically themed...that counts as work - right? I was doing 'research'. *Disclaimer: Clicking on the above link will be considered an act of your own volition. You watch at your own risk.  Neither I (Christopher Swanner), or Clif Bar Inc (or any of its sub brands or flavors…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

Apr. 27, 2005
Here I go, again on my own

I had the Tawny Kitaen dream again last night. But I didn’t kill her this time. Which leads me to believe the therapy is working. We were having a 'hood-off' in this one. Competing for the coveted spot on Whitesnake’s video Jaguar. Just before the judges rendered their decision I woke up. Extremely bothered that I never found out who won. I had such a better routine ................ Off to work I guess. - Distracted

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
r@nd0m

Apr. 21, 2005
Catching the Late Train

I’m dead. Actually, I’m stupid first, then dead, I think. Yes, that’s it – currently stupid, soon to be dead. I’m 1.5 weeks away from attempting my first half Iron at Wildflower and I’m a scant 2 months under trained. Whoops. Blame the calendar, work, any of the classics – but they’re likely not to stick. Just a good old case of bad prioritization. Aaagain. This is par for the course though. I’ve got a list of events I’ve under trained for but survived - Olympic tris, a marathon, off-the-couch halfs. Distances you can power through with a little concoction…

Read More…

Posted by:
Swanner
Category:
Team Clif Bar

More Topics

Blog Contributors


RSS Feeds:
RSS
RSS Comments
Atom
Podcasts Feeds:
podnova
odeo
newsgator
My Yahoo
iTunes

About this Blog

We like getting our heart rates up, taking a big breath of fresh air, savoring delicious food. But we also love telling stories and here's where we type 'em up. (BTW, it works both ways; leave a comment—please and thank you.)

Blog Leaf