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Jul. 26, 2005
Clif Bar Executive Implements ‘Wheelie-Cool’ Calculation System
Exec and New Toy, in the roundRiders

Updated: 2:16p.m. PST July 26, 2005

Count on this – Clif Bar financials look to be sharper than ever in 2005, thanks to the implementation of this spin on the classic abacus.

The ‘Abikus’ (,a‘bike,us, or a’♥∑♠+,¥ in Berkeleyan) uses the latest in gyroscopic technology - virtually un-evolved since the 1850’s – to calculate percentages, averages, taxes (on dinners up to $44), amortization benefits and even personal IQ.

Taking into consideration the season, pitch of the sun, likelihood the moon is ‘still out there’, combined splits from your last three races and the money you happen to have left in the bank (according to your ATM receipt, not your check log), the Abikus can see up to 6 months into your financial future (+/- 5 months). Beyond that, it comes with a 30 day ‘some money back’ guarantee. How can you go wrong?

When asked how he felt about this former bike part being looked to for financial guidance, therefore putting the future of the company its 140 some-odd employees in potential peril, this wily exec simply gave a thumbs-up and a smile. Just before he closed his office door. On my foot.

In my humble opinion, I think expectations for this little doodad are a little, well, inflated.

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