It was me. After years of silence, it’s time the world knew my true identity. I am Crunchy Peanut Butter Clif Bar. I was Deep Throat.

You might say I entered the world rather syrup-titioiusly. An energy bar, only 3 months old, ready to make a name for myself in the CIA (Clif Ingestion Agency).  I'd taken my Oat of Office. I'd had my Shots. I'd been assembled on the front lines and knew I was America's, nay, The World's best chance for better energy. Better eating. A better life. Sustaining countless attempts on my life at the hands of hungry eaters I learned how to survive. I’ve been subjected to solitary confinement and shipped around the country. I’ve been scoffed at by individuals who didn’t understand the big picture. I was even dowsed in Ascorbic Acid at one point, but I wouldn't talk. I was stripped of my wrapper several times, but each time I came back even stronger, and even prettier. All the while, I was feeding information to R&D regarding the development for new flavors, textures and products. Looking back, I think it was worth it. My only regret is that I couldn’t share it with you all along the way. And if for some reason this confession isn’t good enough for you, well then you can just EAT ME!!