Skip to main content.


Oct. 19, 2005
This Beard’s for You…
Indicators to note:

1. Has your wife or girlfriend recently threatened to divorce or to break-up with you?

2. Has your life coach - dedicated to helping you achieve your lofty goal of metrosexual statehood - expressed disappointment in you as of late?

3. Have you noticed string bearing birds hovering in front of you, waiting only for you to hold still for a minute, that they might begin to build their new home in your face?

If any of these things have occurred in the last two weeks, you may be growing a beard you shouldn’t be. But so-be-it. The first annual Clif Bar Beard-Off is officially under way!!

A couple weeks back I threw down the gauntlet to all interested in growing out those beards they don't have for a reason. There is an excusing strength in numbers after all, and thought it would be fun to give the competitors here something else to talk crap about. Like we need one more thing.

From October 10th through the 26th we will grow - to varying degrees to say the least - then present our shabby fortitude to the company for a vote by applause on Thursday the 27th, at our weekly all company meeting. But that's not all. After the beard portion of the comp is over, the mustache shave down begins. Participants will have one week to work their flavor savors, goats and handlebars into dog show form - that the company might once again applaud the furry to glory.

Being that we all come from variable levels of growing prowess, we will have 3 divisions for competition.

• Grizzly Adams (something a bird might nest in)

• Best Fit (they who wear the beard best and might want to consider it after the comp)

• Just Plain Ugly (patchy, thin, varying colors, etc.)


To keep folks honest, we will be testing for Rogaine doping 24 hours prior to showing.


Extra Credit –


• 5 points for coordinating outfit on comp day with beard – hats, overcoats, rifles…whatever you think works.

• 10 points for showing with your dog, which you have shaved a beard into also.

•  5 more points if the beard or goatee on dog matches that of owner. (* note – is legal to outsource dog for competition, though is generally frowned upon to do so without consent of owner. And don’t worry about PETA…we know people.)

• 15 points for also sprouting mullet to match beard and driving into the theatre in Chevy Iroc Camaro.

• 20 points for doing interpretive dance based on relationship competitor has forged with beard over previous 3 weeks.


Hairs to you all –


Posted by:
Office Life

More Topics

Blog Contributors

RSS Feeds:
RSS Comments
Podcasts Feeds:
My Yahoo

About this Blog

We like getting our heart rates up, taking a big breath of fresh air, savoring delicious food. But we also love telling stories and here's where we type 'em up. (BTW, it works both ways; leave a comment—please and thank you.)

Blog Leaf